.Forgiveness is making a gift: par-don (don=Latin for a gift). Interestingly, it applies in various languages. There is also the dark side of forgiveness written about by various scholars, characterized by manipulation, negation, avoidance, imposition, and continuing hurt.
As I was preparing for my definitive profession, I reflected on:
Mt 5: 23 Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, 24 leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
This was difficult for me due to the vast distance across the Pacific Ocean to the Philippines, and time is so limited during my visits. But I managed to meet with everyone I needed to in the course of several visits. Most of those meetings went well. There was one, in particular, that was on the dark side. The person revealed things in a much different light and this changed the entire story. That took some years of soul-searching and mutual trauma recovery.
Part of psychological trauma is avoidance. We approach it often, yet never delve deep into it due to fear of facing it. This method allows us to face our trauma and fear head-on in a private way and in the process heal from our trauma.